P.S. I miss you...

"At least I have someone worth missing"

I've always found goodbye's hard. Saying goodbye to you, however, was different. My heart broke in a way that it never had before. Missing someone is a unique feeling, it's a feeling completely separate from any other. It tugs a little tighter on the heartstrings, and fills your days with moments of deep longing. Missing you has become part of my daily routine, those moments have become the most bitter sweet of my life.

There is a quote that I find applicable to share...

"Missing someone is your hearts
 way of reminding you that you love them"

This is true. I miss you with all my heart.

You are the BEST!

"Always"

"There is a universal truth we all have to face. whether we want to or not-everything eventually ends. I've always disliked endings. The last day of summer, the final chapter of a good book, parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall. You close the book. You wave goodbye. Today is one of those days for me. Today, I say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. I'm moving on, but just because I'm leaving, and that hurts-there are some people who are so much a part of us they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our North star, and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us ALWAYS"

-Castle

 Just over a week ago, this described EXACTLY what I was feeling. As much as I wished that somehow it wouldn't all change, life does. I've been trying to write this since the second I drove away. The truth is there really aren't words sometimes. Words can't express heartache. I don't know how I let go. I think it took all the strength I had left. Life is changing again, I don't understand it. I don't exactly know how I'm going to make it through. But, there are people in my life that truly are so much a part of me, that life can't change it. and I guess that's how I've made it this far. 

To my best friend...

All those times I said it didn't feel right coming back to school. I really think it was because it didn't feel right parting ways with you. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't mentioned your name. Church this last Sunday, was so unbelievably hard without you. Everything is harder without you. I look forward to more memories. Good times are ahead of us! Thank you for being a friend. A true friend. I miss you. 

To the one I love...
I will never forget the hug you gave me before we said goodbye. It was the most incredible feeling in the world, and the hardest. I wouldn't trade the last three months for the world. Thank you, for the person you are. I was reminded what happy felt like.

Life will change, in the blink of an eye, you realize how fast the time goes. Grasp the memories. Are you holding tight? Good, now never let them go. And no matter what, they will be with you... ALWAYS.

"Your Love Is a Song"

"Your love is a symphony all around me, running through me. Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me."

 

I've replayed this song around 100 times on my iPod, and about a thousand times in my head. I guess you could say... I kinda like it... A LOT! Songs have a way of representing moments in our lives. It's amazing how you can replay them and almost relive the memory as if it's happening all over again. Today, these lyrics are so much more than words. They are how I feel. I'm grateful for today, and all the days I have had with you! Thanks for changing my life.

"Embrace life's Butterflies"

"Happiness is like a butterfly: The more you chase it. The more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..."

 I decided today to actually open up my blog, ironically it was a year ago today that I created it. I've only written on my blog twice, today makes it three. Why? Well... Lets just say, I'm not that great at this blog thing. In fact, I'm not sure why I have a blog in the first place, other than I must have gotten bored.

I have learned recently in my life to embrace life's butterflies. When I was younger, I still recall the first time I ever rode on a roller coaster. I was scared to death, but my mom convinced me that it would be a blast! So I sat in the seat, and the coaster took off. The slow ride to the top felt like a lifetime... I was actually happy though, because the thought of the huge drop gave me all kinds of knots in my stomach. As I reached the top, and went down the mountain at full speed, I wanted to cry. YES! I wanted to cry. I got butterflies from the fall, and for some reason hated the way they caused me to feel. It took me several years before I ever went on another roller coaster. Sometimes, we aren't ready to face the things that we're afraid of. At least we think we aren't ready. The butterflies take over, and your brain tells you to run away from it.

You may think, that the roller coaster story was a poor example, because it was a time I didn't embrace life's butterflies. But, I share of the experience because I wasted years of my life  being afraid. It took me forever to become brave enough to try a second time. But... the second time, I LOVED it! I was perplexed as to why I ever hated it. At first, butterflies may feel uncomfortable, when really it's how you know your alive.

"Life happens at the end of your comfort zone." 
 Butterflies are now my favorite feeling in the world.

This past weekend, I went with one of my best friends in the whole world to the Butterfly Pavilion in Colorado. It was adorable, because I once told him that when I was around him I get butterflies. So he wanted to really give me butterflies. It was one of the most memorable days of my life. And in life...

"Refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies"

Walking in a room full of butterflies reminded me of the unexpected happiness I have felt these last few months. I'm truly blessed to know you. You still give me butterflies! Thanks for loving me.

I now have to mention a very important person. I can't write a blog all about butterflies without mentioning you. I will forever love butterflies thanks to your influence. You are the friend I have searched for my entire life. We have only been friends for a few short months. But in these few short months I feel like I already have a lifetime of memories. From the shopping, to the good laughs, the getting through heartbreaks, and all the Castle awesomeness in between, life has gotten SO good! As I write this, Celine Dion's "It's all coming back to me now" is playing. It's quiet, because my sister is in the same room asleep. But, I can't explain how amazing blasting this song is when I am with you. But it's ok, because you kinda know the incredibleness! Thanks for being there... I freaken love you forever!!!!

In this chaotic world, we may find ourselves wondering if we will ever find happiness. The answer is, You'll probably never find it. Happiness isn't something you find, it's somthing you feel. You may think that it's found in finding that special someone, or regaining your health after years of struggle, or even in finally discovering your passion for life. Happy, as far away as it seems can be felt. In despite of struggle, it's felt through moments that happen along the way. A quote I have learned to love says...

 "Life is 10 percent what happens to you, and 90 percent what you do with what happens to you"

 There is always something more we want out of life.  After we graduate high school, we want to love college, then we want to find the right person to marry, we want a family, a beautiful house, a nice car, we want to travel... the list never really ends. So... if we are always wanting things in life, saying to ourselves that when we have them all.. we will be happy. Will we ever feel happiness? Well... will we ever stop wanting or dreaming of things...?

 I find myself wondering... When should I hold on? When do I let go? There really is no answer. At least I haven't figured it out yet. I think, its really being aware of the fact that everything changes. And if it didn't, there wouldn't be butterflies to begin with. A lot of things in this world deceive us, but one thing I'm positive that doesn't is our hearts. That's the only real guide we've got. If your heart feels it more than anything else... embrace it!

That is my message tonight. Embrace life, slow down and allow happiness to sit on our shoulder. Whether in the form of a butterfly, through the sound of laughter, a smile from a child, or a hug from a good friend. Happiness is always present, even on the hardest days if we will only open our eyes to see it. Like a butterfly, it's rare and beautiful.

 As I conclude this blog, I leave you with final words of wisdom...

Embrace life's butterflies!

Nothing like watching FRIENDS with Friends!

"Life will never be the same again"

This morning when I woke up, I felt the emptiness. Yes! That same emptiness you've waved goodbye to-probably around a million times- and convinced yourself this time would be the last. And then, before you know it, it sneeks into your heart and ties knots. The really tight ones. Today, however, I don't want to dwell on the emptiness, for I have once again waved goodbye. Today I'm greatful for good friends. For those, who make the phrase "Life is good" so very true. Thanks for making me laugh!  Through everything life has blessed me with- I will remember the laughter most of all. And it just so happens it's the laughter- the laugh out loud (pee your pants) kinda funny that I am most grateful for today. For it's what healed me.

"Where are you Christmas"

"Do you remember the one you used to know"

The snow, the laughter, the music! Where has it all gone? I found a picture the other day of my sisters and I on Christmas Eve years ago. The excitement and glow in our faces is so priceless to me. It reminded me what Christmas was for me as a child, and what it should be like now. I think that's what i've wanted more than anything throughout this month- To feel the spirit of Christmas!