And Each Heart is Whispering... Home at last!

No matter where the roads of my life have taken me, I have always had a constant lit path that guided me home. A place of unfailing comfort, laughter, and love. The pure love that can't be described, only felt.

I've recently had to say goodbye to the place I have known as home, it was one of the hardest goodbyes I've ever experienced. Today,  I found myself longing for home. I began to feel broken and completely alone. I turned to my Heavenly Father for comfort, and prayed I would somehow find, within myself, the faith necessary to make it through the darkness.

My spirit was lifted through a favorite song...

"Sunny days and starry nights,

and lazy afternoons
You're counting castles in the clouds,

and humming little tunes
But somehow right before your eyes,

the sun light fades away
Everything is different,

and everything has changed

If you feel lost and on your own,

and far from home
You're never alone, you know

Just think of your friends,

the ones who care
They all will be waiting there,

with love to share
And your heart will lead you home"

("Your heart will lead you home, Kenny Loggins")

It turns out that my heart led me exactly there...home. It's definitely different than what it used to be, and I still miss it more than just about anything. But, as I talked to my mom today I felt the comfort of home that I naively thought existed within a house on a piece of land. It turns out, wherever you go, home goes with you. It lies within the love of those who never leave your side. Those who are hundreds of miles away and still manage to be there. I am overflowed with gratitude for the abundance of blessings I have in my life. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father who is with me now, lighting my darkened path, that will ultimately guide me to my home in Heaven.

It's going to be okay :)

DANCE... Even in the Rain

As the rain hits my window, I cannot help but think of the storm I am facing personally in my life. It has been a long winding road, and home has never felt so far away. It breaks my heart. I miss the security of my moms embrace... Somehow, despite her own trials and challenges, she manages to make everything ok. I miss singing in the car with my dad, it uplifted me when I needed it most. But as much as I miss it now, I'm grateful so much for the blessing it was to be with them this past week. It was a tender mercy from a loving Heavenly Father. Not everything makes sense to me right now, and I'm not sure when it will get better. I have found myself wondering "Why?" Why does it all continually have to be so hard? I don't think we're always meant to know the reasons for everything. But I have learned some wisdom within the words of a favorite book...

 "In the midst of tribulation every soul takes a moment to ask why. Why me? Why now? What is the purpose for the anguish and the pain that I am experiencing? The mind searches for explanation; the heart questions its ability to withstand such intense emotion. In the search for a definite answer hope becomes dim and the struggle to simply exist takes over. It is hard to understand why bad things happen to good people. In these moments of despair we turn to God for answers. We become like the people of alma; 'And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God' (Mosiah 24:10). We beg to understand the reason for the suffering. We do not experience trials just to see if we will make it through.

 Each of us experiences the refiner's fire for one reason-- to come to know the Refiner...

 Christ is always there. In the darkest hours of he night and the longest hours of the day, He is there." (Closer to Christ- Emily Freeman)

 

We may not always have the ability to see through the eyes of the Savior. His perspective is far greater for sure... but we do have the ability to go to Him. If nothing else, we learn He is there, He is aware, and He loves infinitely. To me, that is priceless. It's worth the heartbreak. I love the message behind a favorite quote of mine...

 

 "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,

 But learning to DANCE in the rain."

 Whether the storm is literal or metaphorical... or even both, dance through it! :)

I'm Standing on the Edge...

A famous writer once declared... "Be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act." (Dr. Seuss) I guess it's safe to say that he knew a thing or two about life.

Life is uncertain sometimes. I have learned this in great detail the last few weeks. Fear has a funny way of creeping in during moments that leave  us standing on the edge of  several very difficult paths. Equally scary, and equally difficult. Finding the balance between using your head, and following your heart is probably the hardest balancing act we do in this life. A quote I have learned to live by says...

"When you come to the end of all the light you know,
and it's time to step out into the darkness of the unknown,
FAITH
 is knowing one of two things will happen:

Either you will be given something solid to stand on,

Or

You will be taught to fly"

 

I believe very much that faith allows us to act despite of doubt and fear. I'm grateful for the faith I have, It is going to be my constant guide through the challenges that lie just ahead.

If your on the edge, trust your heart. It may not lead you exactly where you thought, but it will take you where you need to be. And someday, someday it will all make sense.

 

 Keep the faith :)

Everything Will Change...

I can't believe how much has changed. The constant change is by far the hardest thing I am faced with in my life right now. As hard as it is, I wouldn't trade the trials for the newfound faith I have received. I have come to discover that the difficult roads we each travel in life somehow lead us to exactly where we need to be. No matter how dark it gets... It won't last forever. The glimpse of light will come. When it does, don't be afraid to believe in it.  Embrace it with all your heart. It just might help you see life from a different perspective, leading you to a happy you didn't think existed. Life right now doesn't make sense with my head... So I'm trusting my heart. So far, It hasn't let me down.

P.S. I miss you...

"At least I have someone worth missing"

I've always found goodbye's hard. Saying goodbye to you, however, was different. My heart broke in a way that it never had before. Missing someone is a unique feeling, it's a feeling completely separate from any other. It tugs a little tighter on the heartstrings, and fills your days with moments of deep longing. Missing you has become part of my daily routine, those moments have become the most bitter sweet of my life.

There is a quote that I find applicable to share...

"Missing someone is your hearts
 way of reminding you that you love them"

This is true. I miss you with all my heart.

You are the BEST!

"Always"

"There is a universal truth we all have to face. whether we want to or not-everything eventually ends. I've always disliked endings. The last day of summer, the final chapter of a good book, parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable. Leaves fall. You close the book. You wave goodbye. Today is one of those days for me. Today, I say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable. I'm moving on, but just because I'm leaving, and that hurts-there are some people who are so much a part of us they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, our North star, and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us ALWAYS"

-Castle

 Just over a week ago, this described EXACTLY what I was feeling. As much as I wished that somehow it wouldn't all change, life does. I've been trying to write this since the second I drove away. The truth is there really aren't words sometimes. Words can't express heartache. I don't know how I let go. I think it took all the strength I had left. Life is changing again, I don't understand it. I don't exactly know how I'm going to make it through. But, there are people in my life that truly are so much a part of me, that life can't change it. and I guess that's how I've made it this far. 

To my best friend...

All those times I said it didn't feel right coming back to school. I really think it was because it didn't feel right parting ways with you. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't mentioned your name. Church this last Sunday, was so unbelievably hard without you. Everything is harder without you. I look forward to more memories. Good times are ahead of us! Thank you for being a friend. A true friend. I miss you. 

To the one I love...
I will never forget the hug you gave me before we said goodbye. It was the most incredible feeling in the world, and the hardest. I wouldn't trade the last three months for the world. Thank you, for the person you are. I was reminded what happy felt like.

Life will change, in the blink of an eye, you realize how fast the time goes. Grasp the memories. Are you holding tight? Good, now never let them go. And no matter what, they will be with you... ALWAYS.

"Your Love Is a Song"

"Your love is a symphony all around me, running through me. Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me."

 

I've replayed this song around 100 times on my iPod, and about a thousand times in my head. I guess you could say... I kinda like it... A LOT! Songs have a way of representing moments in our lives. It's amazing how you can replay them and almost relive the memory as if it's happening all over again. Today, these lyrics are so much more than words. They are how I feel. I'm grateful for today, and all the days I have had with you! Thanks for changing my life.